I stared at this post for a little while. It’s not that I am short on words or that I don’t know what to say. Its more along the lines of reflection and wave of reality when I look back over the last year. It wasn’t in our plans to have a fourth baby, maybe one day, but definitely our hope would have been to have a little more time between the two that were just turning 3 and one just over one. We were at a point in parenthood where we felt a little maxed out already. SO adding one more to the mix, especially so soon, made my heart heavy with uncertainty. AP and I weren’t in a safe place, the pregnancy was really difficult, and I was exhausted. There were days I wanted to hide my head under a pillow and never leave. Or, some days, I wanted to just cry from the moment I woke up until I fell asleep. Still to this day its hard for me to say this out loud and admit this. Mostly because I consider myself as a happy person, as an optimistic person. The glass is always half full and I usually can see the positive in everything. It was a season where looking back now, I know God was trying to tell me, show me, and help me understand His faithfulness. I can remember hearing his soft whispers, “I am faithful.” But, when life has it’s harder moments, it is harder to hear. and even harder to believe.
On July 12th at 6 in the morning, we headed to the hospital, nervous, excited, joyed with the anticipation of meeting our fourth baby girl. And when I laid eyes on this precious little lady, I heard God’s whisper… I. am. faithful.
The last year as a family of six (with a 7, 3, 2, and newborn) has been the most challenging, hard working, messy, exhausting, and hands down the best year of my life. AP and I are the closest we have ever been in ten years of marriage, we’re a team, in love, the kind that embarrasses our kids, and makes them happy. Don’t worry, we still argue, but its the kind where at the end we can laugh and kiss and say i love you. Having four kids, though I was so afraid of what that looked like, has taught me not to take life so seriously, live each day as the blessing it is, and love, love, love and hug your sweet babies.This sweet baby girl with whom AP and I can look at her, and be so thankful for the “symbol” she is to our family. A symbol of God’s faithfulness. We gave finley the middle name “La Vie” to remind us, “life” and how God will breathe in a new life. YOU just have to be faithful.
I cant imagine my life with out her. With every moment I see her sweet personality. In just these 364 days, I see a young lady who is warm and sweet. she is shy, and an observer. She is brave and incredibly smart. She’s a mama’s girl which I secretly love. She’s so funny. She is cuddley. She is serious yet is always smiling. We are just smitten with her, and thank God every day that He blessed our family with such an amazing little lady.
Happy first birthday Finley Lavie. Mommy and Daddy and ALL your sisters love you immeasurably. 🙂 Thank you for being such a blessing to our lives.